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My New Voice Tells Me I am an Athlete!
The miracle of BTBS is crossing the starting line at age 47 for a half marathon! Wow! You see it IS a miracle since I was always "last picked" in gym class, believing somehow that athletic accomplishments were beyond me. Listening to others rather than the voice that screamed inside, I can do this. When I decided to start marathon running I could barely put one foot in front of the other, gasping for air, awkward and weak. Maybe the old voices were right, maybe this was beyond me. But I persevered, lacing my sneakers and getting out there, and eventually 1 mile became two became 5 became 13.1! Tears poured down my face just seeing the finish line in the distance, I was going to make it, and finish the half marathon...I am an athlete the new voice screams! And I have the medal to prove it. Terry Nolan Author
They Were Right!
 When people told me that having breast cancer would end up being a "gift", I thought they were crazy! As it turns out, they were right.
I was diagnosed with Stage 1, Invasive poorly differentiated ductal breast cancer the end last July. I followed with a lumpectomy, and then they went back in to clean out the margins, and remove some nodes. Fortunately, the nodes were clean! Since my tumor was a grade 3, I needed to get chemotherapy, and 33 rounds of radiation.
As I am sure it is true with so many people, the reality of having cancer does not really hit you for a while. Sitting in the doctor's office, getting that news, you kind of go numb. I have had some friends who have gone through it over the past year; therefore I assumed that we had reached our quota. Guess not.
I was determined to be upbeat, although some days were harder than others, the chemo just knocked me out, I was so sick. However, I have a husband, four teenagers, three dogs, and a bird, I have way too much to think about other than having cancer!
Sadly, my husband checked out on me completely. I think that this happens way more in real life than the books and movies portray it to. Every book I read, every movie I saw on cancer, the husband was by her side for everything, giving massages, and bringing flowers. In my case, that was not the way it happened. I just wish that someone could have told me that this had happened to them. I felt really alone. He could not handle the thought of me being ill, so he just pretended that I was not. I was hurt, but I tried so hard not to dwell on it, or I never would have made it through. I never saw this on a Lifetime movie! I then realized that I had to go elsewhere for support, so, I just rounded up the troops. I am truly blessed with some amazing friends, parents, and brothers and sisters. But, being that my family lives 2 hours away, I needed my friends more than I thought I would. My family was supportive, and great, and came whenever I needed them, but my friends were there everyday to pick up the pieces.
I have one truly special friend, her name is Colleen, and she is a nurse. When I got sick, we had just become friends. She was an angel to me, she came over everyday to check on me, take me to chemo, take me to breakfast, lunch, coffee, and dortor's appointments. But mostly, she took care of me when I could not lift my head from the pillow, and when I was really bad, she hooked me up to an IV in my bed so I would not have to go to the hospital. I believe that people are put in your life at certain times for certain things, she came just in time.
While I was bald, over the Christmas holidays, I was going to a party, a fancy party, and I had a great dressy outfit, but I hated my wigs, and I was tired of flipping my silk scarves around my head! So I took a plain black bandana and decorated it with swarovski crystals. I got so many compliments; I made one in every color. People stopped me everywhere and asked me where they could get one. That is when I started Bella Bandanas! I started the business while I was going though radiation, and it kept me going through it all. The thought of making other women who have lost their hair feel pretty was very motivating. The funny thing was, it took off in all the salons, and boutiques in the area, as well as the cancer centers. I am in 15 stores and cancer centers now, and I am going to be in the gift shop on breastcancer.org, as well as on the Style Network in October.
The best part of starting my new business is running into people who tell me that they, or the person that they gave the bandana to, were so thrilled when they got it. I have had customers who cried because they felt feminine again. This I consider to be the real gift.
I am currently taking Arimidex, and will be on it for 5 years. I just started exercising again, and my fatigue is getting somewhat better, but I still have bad days. I am looking forward to a long life with my family, and making people feel "sparkly".
Barb Gunselman, lives in West Chester, PA and is creator of Bella Bandanas, www.bellabandanas.com .
Follow Your Heart's Desire
 Today we were running in the 1st Annual Philadelphia Half-Marathon. My mother and I had been training for months. Away at college, I endured grueling early-morning runs with nothing but my iPod to keep me company. The solitude was what I needed to escape my large sorority house. Sometimes I felt lonely and wondered why I had chosen to take on a challenge. During my months of training, my runs became small accomplishments that got me through the day. Running made me feel special and different, because I committed myself every day. It is easy to become caught up in trivial issues that distract us from our everyday activities, which is why I found running to be a major reliever of stress.
“What have we gotten ourselves into?” Pacing back and forth, I nervously fumbled with my iPod and tightened my shoelaces. My mind regressed to some of my most challenging runs and I began to anticipate what the miles ahead could bring me. Would they bring me pain? Happiness? Vindication? And, vindication from what? As the sound of a gunshot suddenly erupted into the morning air and I had no choice but to run! Within minutes, ten thousand people began their journey. Amid the chaos and confusion, my mom and I were separated and I was left to finish the race on my own.
The sight of spectators cheering on strangers was strangely empowering and it kept my body moving toward the next mile marker. These angels of encouragement held up homemade signs and shouted words of triumph as our wearied, broken bodies ran past. Kids threw their hands out for high-fives.
Around mile 10, I ran into a problem. A big problem. There was no mention of hills in the race brochure, but before me now was a steep hill that looked almost insurmountable. Most of the runners ahead of me looked well trained and well equipped to complete this hill with ease, but even some of them had paused for breath or stopped completely. Here I was, a first-timer, with no race experience. I could stop or I could continue, it was that simple. It then dawned on me that no one had forced any of these people to run; it had all come from within! This thought quickly changed my mindset and up I went.
The miles rolled on and I had reached mile 12. The race tents in the near distance told me that I was steadily coming closer to the finish line. My legs suddenly felt heavier than before and my endurance was wavering. My mind wanted to sprint, but my exhausted body felt the burden that 13.1 miles surely brings. The finish line came into sight and I propelled my legs to do the impossible-run just a little bit more!
Crossing the finish line was a defining moment for me. In finishing the race, I had proven to myself that I could accomplish anything I wanted to. With determination, focus and willpower we as humans are free to achieve anything. Being bold enough to take the first step is of course the most difficult part.
Volunteers placed the round medal around my neck and congratulated me as if I had won the Olympic Gold for a third year in a row. As I began to worry about where my family was, they emerged from the massive crowd with my mom in tow. We had done it! Although we did not physically complete the race together, we finished the race as a team. Without the support of my family, I could never have tackled the miles without them.
Running this Half-Marathon was more than just running for me. It really was a form of vindication from everything in my life that seemed to hold me back from what I truly desired. Limitations meant nothing. Approval from my peers meant nothing. This race was for me to accomplish on my own terms, without the involvement of a thousand other peoples’ opinions, thoughts, and suggestions.
On my graduation day from high school, my great uncle Gerry gave me a book on creative writing with an inscription that I will never forget, “Follow your heart’s desire.” This is exactly what I did.
Ashley is a college student in Maryland and is majoring in International Business.
Road Warrior Mom
 Life with an Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disordered and Learning Disabled child makes my life Beyond the Bus Stop so much more interesting! Yet, it took two trips across the United States alone with my son, Michael, for me to fully appreciate this. My son has lived life according to his terms, not life's term. Michael became impulsive, spontaneous, outspoken and prone to injury. The disorders brought me to my knees, lost and adrift, even unable to find my way back to my son without strife and anger. ADHD was in control, my son and I were not. My son consistently tested the limits of a mother's patience. I was lost in a life unexpected, life amidst disorder, unpredictable. Michael was also misplaced in a world of expectations he seemed unable to meet. He finally said with a heavy sigh, "I used to dream a lot, but now I don't dream so much anymore. " Do I surrender to the disorder to save him, or make him fit into a mold that society had set up? No! It was finding life Beyond the Bus Stop that saved Michael and me. In utter exasperation, I recommended Michael and I set a goal to see all fifty states before his High School graduation. It would be hands on, an active learning environment with movement, variety, and physical applications to problem solving. It seemed like a brilliant plan to reach and teach my ADHD son. Life would be lived on life's terms! Lessons on the road could change the road we were on.
Slowly but surely we made progress. Learning about life, seeing and appreciating a collision of cultures, embracing life lived wide open, and simply finding joy and acceptance in each other. Like the people we always knew we were meant to be.
Two long trips west, 16,000 miles by car, mother and son crossing the country in an effort to further our goal and our hopes again restored. Life Beyond the Bus Stop is so much richer than imagined. Life filled with opportunities to grow, be challenged, and to explore. Seeing mountains and deserts, feeding the homeless in San Francisco, Elvis, the bears and owls, so many experiences lived out on our road warrior adventures.
Michael finding his dreams again and me realizing it was NEVER Michael that needed fixing. It was my attitude and expectations of life that needed to be fixed. The blue blazer expectations I hoisted on him, and a mirage I set up as real. Yes, Life is Messy™! And in the messy Michael and I connected in a way I never could have imagined as possible. A connection that could only be found far Beyond the Bus Stop, beyond our limits of our imagination and finally beyond self imposed ideals of normal.
A Long Swim
 First let me say that this website has totally inspired me to do things I would NEVER have even contemplated doing before! After cruising the Greek islands, the family flew to Lesbos, an island off of Turkey. This island is where my husband's family is from and in fact, most of them are still there. I packed lots of sewing to do because I thought that it would keep me busy in a place where the only activities are eating, sleeping and swimming every day. Packing up our towels and snorkeling equipment the first morning, we arrived on the beach and planted our umbrella. The sun is so hot, the sand absorbs the heat and it is impossible to walk barefoot on the sand. The water is usually dark blue, clear and glassy. Looming about a quarter of a mile off shore is a huge rocky island. All of us sitting on the beach decided then and there that we all were going to swim the quarter mile to the island. Two cousins were going to man the paddle boat to follow, "just in case". But the next day was sort of windy and whipping up the waves a bit. The wind was so unusual. So we all figured the following day would be better. Each successive day that went by was worse and worse weather. The wind blew so hard that the once flat ocean grew waves which slapped against the shoreline and moved piles of rocks around on the sand. Finally, our last day, 6 pm in the evening, we had no choice but to make the decision; were we going or were we chickening out? Beyond the Bus Stop was ringing in my ears! How could I not go for it? A 52 year old gal who paddles around in the water a little, likes to canoe, but could I possibly make it all the way out to this island? With the white caps on the waves, with the sun going down? Was I crazy? No, I was Beyond the Bus Stop! Here I come! I put on my snorkel mask but didn't have flippers. The water was icy too but it wasn't too terrible. My husband swam near me, my brother in law and son went on ahead but kept looking back over their shoulders periodically. Of course, the paddleboat didn't go out! It really did seem forever to get there, I almost felt like I was swimming in place for awhile. But I did make it and picked my way carefully over the black spiny sea urchins which dangerously dotted the base of the rock. The waves were fiercely pulling me back and forth as I tried to pull myself up out of the water. My son was terrified that I would step on an urchin and yelled warnings constantly to me as I pulled myself up. Onto the rock. Onto a little ledge to rest. The guys immediately wanted to climb to the top again. Not me. I had enough just getting there. They left me sitting huddled on the rock ledge with the waves hurling themselves at me and draining around my feet back into the ocean. I thought to myself, how am I ever going to get back now? The wind helped to push me out here but it's blowing against me going home. I started praying and praying really hard. Please God, thank you for helping me to come out here, but to get back I need the wind to stop blowing so hard. The waves crashing around me were really getting me scared, so I prayed some more. The power of the water was daunting. I remember reading about the Titanic and how it was the unsinkable boat. I thought to myself how could man ever think that man could beat nature? Not me! I am totally in awe and respect the power of nature and that's why I prayed. I could drown so easily in this water! But I prayed some more and slowly the wind subsided and the waves stopped pounding at my feet. The guys gleefully returned from the top and urged me into the water. I searched around for the best spot to jump in away from the urchins and went for it. The going home was slow. My son would swim from his uncle way ahead of us and back to me. He had so much time to swim back and forth between us; that was how slow I was moving. But I did make it back. The euphoria! My gosh, even just swimming the half mile or so was enough of a goal. To do it in that weather when others would not even think of it made it special. I thanked God for all of his help. But the best part had to be when my son looked at me with the setting sun lighting up his face and his beautiful smile and he said, "Good job Mom, I'm really proud of you!" This I would not have even thought of doing had it not been for this website and the stories I've read. Thank you all for inspiring me to do things I may have never done, even when I was young, and I'm doing them now. Diana, Westfield, N.J., married and mother of three boys.
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