Fireworks exploded like bright stars in the sky, trails of colored sparks falling and fading as we watched the Fourth of July celebration from afar. We didn't hear the booms or applause from the crowd through the thick hospital windows. I looked down at my young patient and sighed. We were only a few miles away from the beach where the crowds were gathered, but in my own mind, I was creating a different world, a million miles away.

The agreement that my fiance, Tom, and I made as we planned our future was simple: we would marry between his first and second year of law school. I would support us as a nurse and remain in this career long enough for Tom to get established as an attorney. Then I had 'carte blanche' to return to school and do anything I wanted with my career. It most certainly would not be in nursing.

I knew in nursing school that I did not want to be a nurse. I ignored all the echoes of voices of teacher after teacher, friend after friend, saying, "Why do you want to be a nurse?" "You write very well! You should be a writer!" and "You should consider majoring in English -it's your strength!"

Instead, I felt the fears of my parents bearing down upon me. "You need to be able to support yourself after you graduate. You won't make any money as a writer. We can't support you all of your life, you know." I thought I had made a wise choice. Nursing jobs were everywhere. Writing could always be my hobby.

I have now been a nurse for sixteen years. I spent one year as a maternity nurse, and I should have quit nursing right then. I was miserable. When I became a pediatric nurse, I enjoyed nursing more. Somewhere deep within, I knew it was only the children that I enjoyed. That was enough to keep me going.

After a short, unhappy law career, my husband became a teacher. His new career choice afforded him the opportunity to coach soccer as well. The kids and I are thrilled to have him home more often, and most importantly, happy.

My 'hobby' has stayed with me through all of my years as my outlet, my escape, my pleasure. I have written volumes on the joys of motherhood. A decade ago, I read a book and thought, "I can write better than this guy can." So I wrote a book. When I was on maternity leave, I relished the quiet hours of the night when I could immerse myself in another world that was all mine to create.

I am currently a pediatric nurse consultant to our state's child protection agency. Yet it isn't fulfilling. I recently came out of a child protection trial brokenhearted and defeated. The trial didn't go as I had hoped. My wonderful husband tried hard to console me with, "Even if you couldn't save him, you at least helped to make his life better!" It was at that moment that I realized my dream. I did not want to make this child's life better through my work as a nurse. I wanted to make this child's life better through my writing. That could be something that would persevere and continue to touch him-not a fleeting moment in a courtroom.

In the spring of 2006, I was accepted to the Vermont College Master's of Fine Arts in Writing for Children and Young Adults program. I started in July of 2006. It has been, and continues to be, a phenomenal experience for me. I met so many accomplished writers at V.C. that I began to doubt my own veracity. Did I really belong there, among these gifted writers and teachers? In January of 2007, when I won the Marion Dane Bauer Scholarship for middle-grade fiction, I knew I belonged there.

I am choosing to let go. I can no longer cling to my parents' fears that became my own justification to live my life miserably. I am no longer listening to those voices in my head that have advised me for years that stability can only be measured in financial terms. For so long, I have measured my own happiness by what goes on around me-my husband's career, my children and their activities, our income and what we've obtained with it. Now, it is time for my happiness to come from within.

What a wonderful feeling! I am going Beyond the Bus Stop and shedding an old, unwanted career for a brand new one. Though I know fragments of my former vocation must remain until my dream becomes reality, I am no longer resigned to life as it was. I am focused on life as I want it, and the steps I need to take to get me there. I am thankful for my husband and children's support, because I can now dedicate my attention to something I have always wanted to do. I know that nothing will stop me now-I am finally ready to live my dream!

Patti Brown lives in New Jersey with her family! http://www.pattilbrown.com/